My struggle in a nutshell.

I was born and raised in a christian home, but that means nothing. See as you grow you become your own person, and its your choices that make you the person you are. This was my struggle, was making choices. As a younger kid I was mean I was a bully, but I was popular and I had a lot of "friends."  Well one day my perfect little world came crashing around me. All those "friends" disappeared, I had no one, this was the start of my depression. I mean sure I had my parents and family but they didn't know. See im the kind of person who acts like everything is fine on the outside, but on the inside all my anger and sadness just keeps pilling up. I continued this for awhile, eventually how I felt on the inside started to show at home. I was always grounded because I was so disobedient. A kid should never feel the way I did, especially at a young age. In fourth graded I started planing how I could kill myself. I felt so alone and my parents could not understand why I was acting the way I did. Then one day I blurted out to my parents that I was going to commit suicide. Its not like anyone would care, right? This broke my parents heart, just thinking about what they went through with me brakes mine. So after that confession they decided I needed help and we needed t figure out what was wrong with me. They decided it was my sleeping habits that was causing me to be the way I was. So they put me on sleeping pills to help me sleep better.

My dad would not let me keep my pills in my room, he kept them and gave me them when I needed to take them. To this day I think my dad still gets a little nerves with me keeping my own medicine. Every one wanted me to be better so I did what everyone wanted I got better. For a while it was real, I did get better, but then I started to that thing I do so well, happy on the outside. I still got grounded a lot but it wasn't as bad. Then I got involved in my church when I hit seventh grade. I got better, I was going to church and listening, I started feeling comfort, like I wan't alone. I got so used to fooling people that I was such a happy person, that I started falling for my own lie. But when in reality I was still so messed up on the inside. I was going to church, I was listening, I believed. But I was not letting God actually come into my life and comfort me, take care of me. 

My lie finally caught up to me. I was having a rough time. I was getting good at defying my parents. I started having suicidal thoughts again. One day I snapped, I feel so bad, yet so thankful for my mom who was there when this happened. She went through me screaming that I hated her and I kept saying "God why." When I wanted my mom to just hold me she did. She just hugged me after everything I have put her through she still loved me. If your reading this your probably thinking well of course she still loves you, your her kid. But just everything I put her through, and im not talking about just this one time, she still had just as much love, if not more, for me. I guess it just really amazed me. 

So this time I went and got checked out they decided I have anxiety and depression. Not something I tell people, only my family and two friends know this about me. So its a little weird letting anybody who wants to know, know. My doctor put me on medicine to help me. After the first week of taking it everyone saw a difference. This was great I was happier but I was still empty missing something. I realized then how much I needed God. I finally started to trust God, I gave him complete control of  my life. At that moment I was completely free of all that pressure that was holding me down. I felt comfort, I realized how much people cared for me. My eyes were opened to a completely new world. I love going to church now, because now im learning, im listening. im believing. But most important im letting God in. 

Ever since this realization I have had my ups and downs. I have still done some pretty stupid things. But God knows exactly were he want me, so sometimes I don't even know how but I always end up back on the path God has for me. Sure I sometimes take a long and non-needed detour, but God is so amazing and so forgiving that its like I never even took that detour. 

 

One more thing, because I know my dad will see this. I just want to thank my parents for being such strong christian examples and for always being there for me. <3 

Born in sin or not?

I think people are born into sin because they are born into this world full of sin. Are they, in particular, sinful straight when they are born, no. But being born into this sinful world I would have to say that people are born into sin. The consequences of being born into sin is that its practically impossible avoid sin.

How I live.

Honestly I live both a biblical and worldly life. I am a struggling christian, I will  be honest about that. I grew up in a christian home so I know whats wrong and right but there is the rebel in me that just wants to...well rebel. I have had my moments where I was not walking with god I was just going with the flow of the world. But I didn't like how I felt or how my life was going. I realized life was awful with out God, so at this moment I am not worldly but I'm not a perfect christian either (really though, who is?). Right now I am in between, I am redeveloping my relationship with God and realizing how sad it is to be with out God. I gave my heart to God but as I think about it I slowly started slipping away and Gods comfort and embrace also slipped away. But realizing my relationship with God was not what I wanted it to be I got back on track and let me tell you...life is great. I still have my ups and downs but God is always there to pick me up, dust me off and send me on the path he has for me.

Parachurch and Church

A parachurch is an organisation that works out side of the church and is usually more focused on business.For example a christian camp is more focused on business but still teaches the word. A church is a community. A church focuses on the word more than the business side of things.

A church can support a parachurch, usually by finance. A parachuch can support a church just as much as a church can support it. A parachurch spreads the word too just not as much as a church. So if someone wants to connect further with God and go deeper into the word, the parachurch can direct them to that church that is supporting them.

If the church and parachurch are supporting each other they could disagree on situations. Separate, the parachurch, because it involves other activities and on the word sometimes people who have no home church could accept the parachurch as their church. But the parachurch is not a church it is a way to give you the word but also have other activities and meet new people.  The church by itself can in a way have to compete with the parachurch. Because people who go to a parachurch may make new friends. So it may lead some of church's people more towards the parachurch. For example a kid goes to a christian camp and makes new friends. When the kid goes back to church all they can talk about is camp and all they want to do is hang out with their new friends they made at camp instead of the people at church.

Non-Denominational and Denominational

 A Pro and Con. for a Non-Denominational camp is that there open to just about any christian denomination. This can be bad or good. Its good because the camp receives a high flow of campers coming in, but bad because you don't know what kind of campers you'll get, they may not all believe the same thing. A pro. for a denominational camp would be that they know exactly who they are letting in. A con. they are only letting in a certain kind of people or religion.

Understanding

To have an understanding of other religions or worldviews gives you the advantage. When you have this understanding you can understand where peoples views are coming from. You can also defend your view better by having an understanding of other religions or worldviews.

Statement of Faith

Its always good to have a good understanding of statements. To have an understanding of a statement of faith for your work is really important. Your work has a faith statement for reason, so you can understand what they believe and what you may be getting into. If you don't agree with a statement of faith given to you, and you don't agree with it then you may have problems signing or defending the statement. My personal statement of faith is short. God is the only God and Jesus died on the cross for us and saved us all.

Personality and Spiritual Gifts

So we took a personality test in our Launch class. I feel the out come of my test was dead on. It stated that I was and outgoing, friendly, and accepting person. I have not always been out going, I used to be a really shy kid. But that all changed when I hit high school. Other things it stated, that I believe to be true, was that I am a person who loves to have fun while I work but gets the job done. I like to learn new things by doing them not just by hearing how to do it. And that's my personality...for the most part.  

My spiritual gifts consisted of Believing, Comforting, and Encouraging. I am all of these, you cant change my mind on what I believe. I stand strong when it comes down to my relationship with God. I cant help but comfort those who need comforting. I guess I comfort others because I know what it can be like to have no one there to comfort you when you need it. Encouraging, honestly if everyone in the world stopped encouraging people, our world would fall apart. I love encouraging people to do there best and to never give up! 

My personality fits perfectly together with my spiritual gifts. I'm a caring person who loves life and God. I have huge heart who cares for everyone. That might be my down fall, I care to much for someone to fast. I could of just meet you and I would already care a whole bunch. I want people to succeed. 

First Month

The first couple of weeks it felt unreal. I felt as if  I would only be here for a little while and then I would go home. After the first couple of weeks passed I felt like I belonged. Hidden acres has now become my second home. Working here is great, its just one big family keeping a camp going. My first month here at Hidden acres was not as hard as I thought it would be, and I'm glad. I look forward to what the next nine months have in store for me.